5 Things to Do When Your Loved One Is Resistant to Hospice Care​

When you're watching someone you love experience illness, the last thing you want is conflict about how to take care of them. But for many families, mentioning hospice care is met with resistance or even outright objection.

Maybe your parent says, "I'm not ready for that," or your spouse says, "Hospice is giving up." These are moments of sorrow and confusion, and you're torn between respecting their desires and attempting to get the comfort and care they deserve.

You’re not alone in this. Resistance to hospice care is common and understandable. The good news? With patience, compassion, and the right support, it’s possible to gently shift the conversation and bring your loved one the relief they may not yet realize they need.

Listen Without Judgment

It's simple to resist when someone you care about speaks the dreaded "no" to hospice. But often, what they need most is simply to be heard. What you can do is set aside your agenda and listen patiently. Let them say their fears, assumptions, or anger without interrupting. Use soft affirmations like, "I hear that this scares you," or "It's okay to be unsure about this."

This matters because you are confirming their emotions and building trust. It lowers their defenses and paves the way for future conversations that are more collaborative.

Provide Clear Information

Most people resist hospice not because they are against comfort care, but because they don't know what hospice is. They may believe it means giving up, being drugged, or remaining at home. These are strongly held myths. 

Describe that hospice isn't about rushing the end of life, but it's about making it better. Let them know hospice is an in-home service with an emphasis on comfort, emotional care, and dignity. Tell them that if they want to, they can discontinue hospice at any time.

Education dispels fear. If your loved one understands that hospice equates to pain management, emotional peace, and time spent with loved ones, not loss of control, they will be more inclined to accept it.

Involve Them in Decision-Making

Feelings of powerlessness are a common fear among seriously ill patients. The more involved your loved one feels in decisions regarding their care, the more they will accept care.

Ask open-ended questions like, "What's most important to you right now?" or "How do you want your days to go?" Let them make little decisions, like when the hospice nurse visits or what services they have.

Autonomy fosters dignity. When your loved one feels heard and respected, they're less likely to resist care that respects their values and choices.

Suggest a Trial Period

For most families, this one step is the breakthrough they've been waiting for.

Frame hospice as something to “just try.” Say, “We can start with a few days or a week, and if it doesn’t feel right, we’ll stop.” Reassure them that accepting hospice now doesn’t close the door to other options later.

The reality of hospice care is that it offers more comfort, fewer hospital trips, and less stress speaks for itself. Once they've seen the difference, your loved one will wonder why they waited.

Seek Professional Support

You don't have to go it alone. Hospice teams are not only caregivers, but trained communicators with expertise in helping families navigate emotional resistance.

Have a hospice nurse or counselor sit down with your loved one for a casual conversation with no pressure, just information. Leave the heavy stuff to the experts: uncomfortable topics like prognosis, symptom management, and what hospice entails.

Hearing it from a neutral, compassionate expert can turn your loved one's world around. Sometimes it helps to have someone outside of the family deliver clarity and reassurance.

Tender Care is Here to Support You

We know how difficult these conversations can be. With Tender Care Home Health & Hospice, our staff is here to deliver professional care and compassionate support, helping families achieve peace, comfort, and understanding when they need it most.

For more guidance on how to talk with loved ones about hospice care, visit the National Institute on Aging’s page on End-of-Life Care.

Whether your loved one is just beginning to consider hospice care or struggling to come to grips with the concept, we're here for you along the way.